Howdy, there, Reader. Welcome to this opportunity to laugh at me. Why? Because I’m 41-years-old and a divorced mother of a teenaged boy, and I’ve just created a profile for myself on an online dating website. I’m not sure why I did it, but I do like men, and I would like to get to know some more. Preferably single. Preferably of the opinion that I’m smart, funny, cute, and amazing.
So here we go . . .
I don’t know whether it’s problematic to name the site I decided to use, but let’s just say it rhymes with Snatch. I filled out my Snatch profile with honest answers and true statements, but I didn’t make any effort to avoid being glib and flippant, as my attitude toward this whole endeavor is indeed both glib and flippant, because the last thing I want is a devoted follower or a marriage proposal. I want a few dates, a friendship, maybe an “understanding” of sorts, but I wanted to make it clear to anyone who might decide to click on me that I’m not desperate, or even in any especial need of a man. Things are good the way they are, for the most part, but I concede that they could be improved upon. That’s as far as I’m willing to go for now.
I included a very smiley photo of myself, set my search parameters for fellows’ ages to fall between 39-49, and a created a list of things I find attractive in men. In fact, here–I’ll copy and paste the very text that I entered:
Here are some specific things I find attractive in a man (or in any person, really):
- Appreciation for well-told stories
- Appreciation for the sharp-but-mostly-good-natured humor of Mystery Science Theater 3000
- Awareness of (and well-reasoned opinions about) current events and the world in general
- Ability to light a campfire, change a tire, build a bookcase, clean and cook a fish, sew on a button
- Comfort with solitude
- Fondness for Scrabble
- Fondess for . . . plain old food (I’m not at all adventurous when it comes to eating)
I know it all comes down to “chemistry,” and that a man with each of the above characteristics could be the handsomest man in the world and leave me cold (or if not cold, exactly, then sort of luke warm), but . . . I’d probably want to be friends with a man who has some of those qualities.
That’s nice, right? I also noted that I’m agnostic, that my sofa is one of my favorite “Hot Spots,” and that I’m an enthusiastic reader of books.
I was pleased with the profile, and curious to see who might find me attractive and a potential match.
Are you curious, too? Would you like to know who DID feel that I might be a good potential match? Sigh. The first and only person to contact me thus far is “Duke (not really),” who is 63 (older than my dad, incidentally). Duke’s profile included a photo, about which several things were interesting. This photo, presumably submitted in hopes of being perceived as attractive and appealing, featured an extremely overweight man in a ill-fitting and visibly stained t-shirt. His hair was messy, and his expression seemed to be either bored or annoyed. THERE WAS A WOMAN IN THE PHOTO AS WELL. She was behind him, washing dishes. The photo must have been snapped during the Christmas holidays, because the fridge in the picture was decorated to look like a grinning snowman.
I don’t want to share the actual photo, because I’m kind of a jerk but not LIKE THAT, so I drew an approximation of Duke and the fridge, which will henceforth be known as Frosty.
Not exactly auspicious beginnings, but I will remain hopeful.