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If you haven’t watched Arrested Development, it’s streaming on Netflix; there’s no excuse but martyrdom and/or a hatred of laughter.  See, I bring it up because I have the Ashford & Simpson single “Solid” in my head (click that at your own risk, because you will NEVER get that song out of your head), because of the Snatch.com business model.

I’ll explain about the business model in a minute, but here’s what I think of when the term business model comes to mind:

That’s Starla, a model one of the characters on AD hires because he’s told he needs a business model.  And the A&S song accompanies her wherever she goes, because . . . of course it does.  It’s a great show, and you should watch it.  Or watch it again.

Anyway:  Snatch.  See, their policy is to let you sign up for free.  You can post a profile of yourself, as I described last time, and you can search profiles as well.  You can’t, however, communicate with anyone at all if you aren’t a paying member of the site, and paid membership isn’t exactly cheap.  I mean, I suppose you can’t put a price on love, or whatever, but somehow I was under the impression that love shouldn’t cost a thing.  Right?

Snatch serves up the illusion of this possibility by allowing you to send and receive Winks.  There are literal Winky Faces involved!

I’m not sure anything so twee can bode well for romance, but I either have to go along with the WFs, or quit, and it’s much too soon to quit.  I guess.

So these WFs can be sent and received.  They indicate that someone finds you appealing, and wants to flirt.  Electronically.  Wordlessly.  And for free.  If someone sends you a Winky Face, you can read his profile and, if you’re so inclined, send a WF right back.  And then…

NOTHING!

There’s nothing else you can do unless you are a paying member.  You can’t even read an email someone sends to you!  I know this because I’ve received as email!  That I can’t read!  Nor do I know who it’s from!  Because I don’t want to spend cash money on this experiment.

I did get some other Winky FacesNone of these Winkers match the . . . interest that Duke & Frosty brought to the table, although they do seem like nice men.  One’s even quite cute, but he lives in California.  Another seems pretty witty, put he lives in Georgia.  Why are they flirting with me?  Why the Winky Faces? I’m not interested in pen pals, and I’m not likely to fly hundreds (or thousands) of miles for a lunch or coffee date with a stranger.

Here’s another feature of Snatch:  Their logarithms (or ouija boarding, or dice rolling) trawls around finding people they offer to you as suggestions.  The number one reason various men have been suggested to me is that each is, “Like [me], not a smoker.”  Well LA DEE DA!  Call Anne Shirley, ’cause I’ve found me a Kindred Spirit!  Other men have been suggested because (gasp!) they . . . SHARE MY BIRTH MONTH.  If that’s not something to base a relationship on, I don’t know what is.  I wonder what Snatch would make of the fact that Kid Rock and I were born on the VERY SAME DAY?  They’d probably make me change my name to Fishseekingbicycle ROCK.  Because:  SO MEANT TO BE.

Are Snatch and I meant to be?  Should I spend the money?

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